An Interview with Teenage Students
But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. Therefore, my beloved sisters, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain.
1 Corinthians 15:57-58
Nothing challenges me to be steadfast, immovable, and always abounding in the work of the Lord more than being a youth group leader. I sit with dehydrated students at camp feeling sick because they didn’t drink enough water, scream-sing songs from Wicked with them, and reject regular pleas to date our church’s worship leader.
And yet God stuns me, time after time, with the thanksgivings and victories He brings to our youth ministry. My students’ growth moves me to tears of gratitude and joy on a regular basis.
As adults, we often ask if our labor is in vain – especially when that labor is prayer. Maybe you’re a discouraged youth group leader, a disillusioned educator, an exhausted parent, or a burdened grandparent. Sometimes we need to hear testimonies to be reminded of what God can achieve. Sometimes we need the encouragement of someone else’s story because ours is in a bad spot.
Sometimes we need to hear testimonies to be reminded of what God can achieve.
Faith & Family
I invite you to read an interview that my youth group co-leader and I did. When I first met siblings Jayden (12th grade) and Hailey (10th grade), I never could’ve imagined that we would be sitting down with them to discuss their faith and family.
In the four years I’ve known them, since their middle school years, their relationships with Jesus and with each other have seen immense redemption and growth. Why do we pray so persistently and desperately for middle and high schoolers? Because God changes lives. Here’s the proof.
How prayer makes a difference
Q: Jayden and Hailey, tell me about your parents’ prayers for you. How are those a part of your testimonies?
Jayden: During my freshman year of high school, I really didn’t want to go to church. I didn’t have any friends there and I thought service was boring. But my parents didn’t give up. They prayed for me. It wasn’t until my sophomore year that I realized I was broken. I hated myself because I wanted to fit in with the people I thought were my friends.
I asked my dad, “Why am I here? Why do I have to go to church every week?” And he told me, “This place is supposed to be a hospital.” I never thought of God that way before – as a doctor who could heal. I remember praying to God that night, and he told me, “It’s ok. I have your back.” After that, I loved God again. I started going to faith club and hanging out with other Christians. Those people became who I looked up to.
Hailey: For me, faith was one extreme to another. I was very legalistic until 5th grade, when COVID hit. Then, I figured out ways around the parental controls on my laptop. I thought that what I found online was my identity. I thought I was secure, but I wasn’t. I didn’t like it when my dad said he was going to pray for me. I thought, “That’s not going to work.”
Before youth group summer camp last year, I thought I was going to be an atheist forever. And my brother and I didn’t have a good relationship. Things changed when the speaker talked about repentance – I saw my dad start to cry. I thought, If my dad really feels this way about me, then how does God feel? Later on, my dad told me that he cried because he was praying that I’d see how he sees God.
HAILEY & HER DAD AT YOUTH CAMP
Identity in Christ
Q: What are the needs of people your age? How can adults be praying for you?
Hailey: Please pray for people to find their identities in God instead of in temporary things like appearance or their friends’ perceptions of them. I know that, because of my faith, I’m able to respect and to be a sister to others.
Jayden: Yeah, at the beginning of my junior year, I was not tolerant of the people who’d hurt me. I was bitter because of my hurt. Over time, my faith made me a lot more inclusive and helped me let go of my past scars. It’s not my battle to fight; it’s God’s. That’s why He’s here for us.
When we know we’re loved, we can love other people. That looks like being non-judgmental about what other people wear or what they do. People my age need to be loved and to love. God raised us to love other people; not fake love, but actual care. Teenagers need true friends, too. Some people say they’re friends because they like the same things or are on the same team, but being genuine and authentic goes beyond that. People my age have to learn to be who God created them to be.
Hailey: Everyone’s judgmental of everyone else because teenagers are all insecure. Also, about trying to please your friends, that ruins your mental health A lot of us need to hear loving truth. Not in a way that’s rude, but in a way that asks, “How can we correct this unhealthy behavior? How can we help you?” Pray for adults to be able to give us grace in that.
A lot of us need to hear loving truth. Not in a way that’s rude, but in a way that asks, “How can we correct this unhealthy behavior? How can we help you?”
I feel very supported right now, but in the past, I’ve had a very hard time coming forward to share my personal experiences. It scares me when people act like a sinner is some stupid idiot because they sin a lot. Everyone sins and it doesn’t matter what the sin is, as long as you repent. People need to be open to listening.
Listening is Key
Q: How can we – youth group leaders, young adults, parents/middle aged, grandparents/elders – come alongside you and support you?
Hailey: It’s all about listening. That’s the most powerful way to show teenagers your support. In the age of social media, we just need someone to listen to us instead of someone that gives us constant feedback that is probably going to be overwhelming. You guys have made me feel supported by listening to me and asking relevant questions instead of default ones.
In the age of social media, we just need someone to listen to us instead of someone that gives us constant feedback that is probably going to be overwhelming.
Default questions are like, “How are you?” Questions that aren’t necessarily relevant to my life. When you’re asking questions that are very specific to my problems and what I’ve shared before and when I have a very close relationship with you, it’s easier to feel supported. It’s weird to ask deep questions if we haven’t spent much time together.
Jayden: Versus the type of bond that the four of us have. You guys have known us for a pretty long time now because you wanted to do that. We didn’t want to do that; we’re not very outgoing. We were so young.
Hailey: When you put a little more effort into the relationship than the kid you’re “taking care of” does, then the kid will reciprocate with a little bit more effort too. Teenagers can feel unsupported and insecure just because someone looked at them the wrong way. When teenagers are super vulnerable, anything that looks a bit unusual will just set them off. That’s something a lot of adults don’t realize and take into account.
Take interest in their lives
Q: Any other advice you would give to adults about how to connect with teenagers?
Jayden: For adults, we don’t care if you’re not cool enough. My dad doesn’t care if he’s cool enough; he just talks to all the kids at our youth group. I like that a lot of people at church actually want to talk to my parents. They’ve set a good example in the way that they’re a part of the church.
If you want to connect with teenagers, just talk to them. Don’t give up on them. Some kids don’t get to talk with their own parents – asking how their day’s going or if they’re ok. If you’re the person who does that, it can really help them. You can be their mentor. My friends from school come to our youth group because they feel special there. They feel included.
Hailey: Don’t try to act cool if you’re not naturally “cool.” Teenagers might think you’re mocking them. Be authentic. Teens are used to everyone their age being so focused on themselves. When you focus on them, they love that. Don’t be like, “Here I am!” but, “There you are.”
Wanting others to experience freedom in Christ
Q: You’ve had the gift of parents who cried out to God for you. Now that you’re more mature in your faith, who is on your heart? Who are you praying and interceding for?
Jayden: I took some of my friends to a praise and prayer night. They went to get girls, but all of them came back with something even more. They said, “I love God.” When I saw my friends praying, I realized His love is so real. I was crying out to God, asking Him to help them take Him wherever they go, specifically for one of my friends who’s moving overseas.
But I’ve seen in my life that faith isn’t about just one moment or night, and I know the same is true for my friends. It’s easy to forget that God is more important than AP test scores or track team personal records I want to invite more of my friends, and even people in general, to youth group. I know a lot of pretty broken people that have been going through rough times. I went from being this immature kid to a mature follower of Jesus who loves Him and will keep loving Him for the rest of my life. I want other people to experience that freedom.
I went from being this immature kid to a mature follower of Jesus who loves Him and will keep loving Him for the rest of my life. I want other people to experience that freedom.
Hailey: One concern I do have is that my sister’s going through that phase that all of us go through. It starts with not wanting to go to church and hiding her feelings. I see a lot of my old self in her. I don’t want that to happen to her because I didn’t have a lot of people who listened to me well then. I didn’t know how to express myself. I don’t know how to help her.
At this point, Ryan (my co-leader) gently stopped the students. “I know you might feel scared for your sister or your friends, but that’s a sign to pray for them. Praise God that none of us can create faith; it’s up to God. He’s going to use many things in these people’s lives – sometimes that happens quickly, and sometimes that happens over time. Instead of giving into fear, let’s direct that towards a God who loves you and them and wants them to come home.”
Instead of giving into fear, let’s direct that towards a God who loves you and them and wants them to come home.
The students, relieved, agreed to enter into intercession. We were using the Moms in Prayer format, so Ryan and I prayed this verse over Jayden and Hailey:
May ________ fan into flames the spiritual gift God has given him/her. For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of love, power, and self-discipline. From 2 Timothy 1:6-7
As we prayed over them, I heard them sniffling and reaching for the nearby box of tissues. I was struck, again, by the power of prayer and the goodness of God to answer us. But the sweetest part was hearing the siblings pray the passage over their sister.
Jayden: I pray for my younger sister, Rebecca. May Rebecca fan into flames the spiritual gift God has given her. For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of love, power, and self-discipline. Help her to not set her identity on temporary things. Help her realize that whatever she’s hiding, she can come to You about those things. That she can speak to You. I also pray for my two friends who will be traveling outside of the country, far away from our youth group. I pray that they’d carry their faith with them.
Hailey: I pray for all my friends who have a distant relationship with you and for Rebecca. May Rebecca fan into flames the spiritual gift God has given her. For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of love, power, and self-discipline. She’s been doubting herself, as a lot of teenagers do, and I pray that she comes to us for things and to You for help. I pray that her testimony will be genuine and directed towards You. I pray for my friends who don’t trust in You. I pray that their hatred would be temporary because Your love is stronger than hate.
Relationships with teenagers
If I had to summarize the wisdom that Jayden and Hailey shared, it sounds something like this:
- Spend time with us. There are no shortcuts to trust.
- Listen to us—not to respond, but to understand.
- Pray for us persistently and continually. Give us grace.
Doesn’t this sound a lot like how Jesus behaved? Like God’s patience lived out?
A few weeks later, I asked a group of our high schoolers, “What would you like to share about God’s character in order to encourage others?” More than half of them answered, God is patient. What they meant is this: God waits for us with love. Let’s do the same for the middle and high school students in our lives.
Has this given you a new perspective on ministering to your teenager and his or her friends? Comment below.
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About our Guest
Karis Cho currently serves as the Events Communication Specialist at Moms in Prayer International headquarters – but before that, she was (and still is) a prayed-for daughter and granddaughter. She’s not yet a mom, but she has many younger sisters through her work as a youth group leader. Karis believes that Gen Z has many gifts to offer the church – a hunger for authenticity and a refusal to accept anything less than the presence of Jesus among them. She meets with other young adults weekly to pray that we will see the youngest among us inviting Jesus to build His kingdom in our schools, neighborhoods, and countries.