Leading My Children With Love, Not Fear

As we head into a new school year, you’re probably asking yourself to consider decision after decision for your child:

• What activities will they participate in?
• Who will their friends be?
• What kind of teacher will shape their days?

And underneath all of these decisions, there’s a quiet fear that whispers:

What if I get this wrong?

What if this decision sets them back? Hurts them? Damages them somehow?

I’ve seen it rising in moms everywhere—this fear that one wrong move, one misstep, will cause trauma our kids never recover from. That our children’s future is entirely riding on our shoulders.

So, we freeze. We overthink. We second-guess every option. Because we believe that parenting “perfectly” will somehow guarantee their safety, success, and salvation.

But here’s the truth we forget:

You were never meant to be perfect.

Only God is perfect.

The Conversation That Set Us Free

Years ago, in college, I walked through a season of depression. It was dark, painful, and confusing. But it also became a turning point in my life—a season where God met me in my lowest moments and drew me close.

Many years later, I had a conversation with my mom about that time. She shared with me the grief and guilt she had carried, believing that maybe she had done something wrong, that maybe my pain was somehow her fault.

But I looked at her and said something I think set both of us free:

“That season was hard. But I wouldn’t trade it. Because it’s what God used to bring me back to Him.”

What happened in my life wasn’t because of my mom’s failures. And the healing that followed wasn’t because of her perfection either. It was all God’s grace.

She couldn’t take the blame for the valley I walked through—just like she couldn’t take the credit for how God used it.

And that is the truth we all need to hear:

You Are Not the Author of Their Story

Mama, you are not your child’s Savior. And you’re not the One writing their story.

You are an important, influential character—but not the Author. And trying to hold the pen will only leave you exhausted and afraid. We parent with wisdom, intention, and care—but also with the humility of knowing we are not God.

If we aim to be perfect, we give our kids no space to experience grace. No room to grow through failure. No opportunity to see that they need a Savior. God may use every bit of their journey—even the parts that feel confusing, difficult, or painful—to draw their hearts to Him. And that includes our imperfect parenting too.

What If God Uses the Hard Parts?

We think good parenting is about avoiding all the pain.

But what if true discipleship looks more like:

• Modeling repentance after we lose our temper
• Walking with our kids through their disappointment
• Trusting God to redeem what we cannot control

When we fixate on getting every decision “right,” we begin to parent from fear. But when we parent from faith, we release the pressure and cling to God’s promises instead.

The Most Powerful Thing You Can Do

Mama, the greatest influence you will ever have isn’t in choosing the perfect school, the best extracurricular, or the ideal bedtime routine.

It’s in your prayers.

You may not hold the pen, but you know the One who does. Every time you lift up your child to God, you are stepping into the most powerful posture of parenthood. You’re saying, “God, I trust You to finish the work You’ve started.” So, before you spiral in decision fatigue or guilt, pause and pray. Release it. Hand it over. Let God lead you, and let Him lead your child.

And if you’re longing to grow in that, let me lovingly challenge you:

Join a Moms in Prayer group in your area. There is something powerful about linking arms with other moms and interceding together. It’s not just what your child needs—it’s what you need too.

Here’s What I Want You to Know

You are not meant to be perfect. You will mess up. And God’s grace is still big enough to cover it all. You don’t need to parent perfectly. You just need to walk closely with the One who is.

Root yourself in His truth. Align your thoughts with His Word. Let your kids watch you lean into His grace—and cover them in prayer every step of the way.

Need Help Shifting the Script?

When you know who you are in Christ, you can guide your children with peace, not pressure.

You are not alone in this.
You are not failing.
You are not held to the standard of perfection.

You are held by the grace of a faithful God.

PRAY WITH ME

“Lord, You know how heavy this calling of motherhood can feel some days. You see the fears I don’t always speak out loud—the pressure I carry to do a good job. You see the guilt I pick up when I get it wrong. Today, I lay down my striving. I surrender the need to be perfect. Remind me again that You are the Author of my child’s story—and You are good. Give me the courage to trust You with the parts I can’t control. Give me the humility to say “I’m sorry” when I mess up, and the wisdom to point my children back to You when they do. Fill my home with grace. Let peace rule in my heart. Help me walk in Your truth so I can lead my children with love, not fear. May my kids see Your strength in my weakness, Your joy in my surrender, and Your faithfulness in every season. In Jesus’ name, Amen.”

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Alicia Bennett grew up living and traveling overseas from a very young age, but it wasn’t until college that God captured her heart. After majoring in East Asian studies, she went on to work with an international missionary agency until she and her husband started a family. Today, Alicia and her husband live in Colorado and have four growing boys. She continues to write, teach, and speak about God’s heart, serving in mom’s, children’s, and mission capacities at her local church and writing for various ministries. She also hosts a Moms in Prayer group in her home.

If you’ve been caught in spiraling thoughts of guilt, fear, or pressure, Alicia offers you something simple and practical: Biblical Affirmation ABCs for Moms. This is the tool she used in the early days of her mindset transformation. It’s a simple, Scripture-based guide to help you rewrite the thoughts that are keeping you stuck—and anchor your heart in truth.