The Desire of My Heart

Two of my favorite scriptures that I love praying for people and sharing on birthday cards are:

Psalm 20:4, “May he grant your heart’s desires and make all your plans succeed.”

And Psalm 21:2, “For you have given him his heart’s desire; you have withheld nothing he requested.

I believed these words, but not for me. I believed them for others, but I stopped believing that they applied to me. What was my heart’s desire? To be a mom.

After five years of acupuncture treatments, compounded hormones and high-dose vitamins, umpteenth cycles of fertility medications, multiple ultrasounds during every cycle, one Polycystic Ovary Syndrome diagnosis, one surgery for endometriosis and countless other issues, no baby. Nothing. Not even one positive pregnancy test. How could this be “the fulfillment of all my plans and my heart’s desire?”

I believed in God’s Word and His Truth, and that He would never fail to fulfill His promises. So if children were the desire of my heart and He grants our heart’s desires, then something had to give and I knew it had to be me.

So in the beginning of 2013, I cried out to God to make the desire for children go away. If it was not His heart’s desire for me, I begged Him to take it away. And that was my prayer.

There were two scriptures I was previously praying. One was Luke 2:40, “that my children will grow and become strong and be filled with God’s wisdom.” I prayed that verse even before I met my husband. Well, I stopped praying it. When we started trying to conceive in 2009, I stood on Psalm 113:9, “I am a joyful mother of children…” Stopped praying that verse as well.

While we were trying to conceive, I had taken a hiatus from endurance running. I decided to start up again since I felt that we were not going to have children; and began training for the Marine Corp marathon. Once I started training, I became very fatigued and was having difficulty recovering, which was not normal. I thought maybe my iron levels were low, but my husband suggested I take a pregnancy test (which made me furious)! I definitely didn’t think I was pregnant, especially since I had never become pregnant through all the fertility treatments.

Well, when my strong willed husband brought me a home pregnancy test, I didn’t want to take it… and didn’t believe it when it read positive with two lines. I had him go back to the store to buy a digital test—one that would be clearer and just read yes or no. It also came out positive! When I went to see the obstetrician, I was 11 weeks pregnant! We had a full-term pregnancy at 42 weeks, and I even ran in a small Veterans Day run four days before my daughter’s birth.

I am now a mom, but not just any mom. A couple of years ago, I was handed an invitation to the Moms in Prayer school year kickoff for my area. Not sure what to expect, I nervously went and I’m eternally grateful for that invite. I had the opportunity to pray with other ladies at my table using a partially-filled prayer sheet, and I knew this was for me. On that September morning I was given the Moms in Prayer Booklet which later led to becoming a leader for Moms of Little Ones (preschoolers). I am now a “Mom in Prayer” who truly believes and knows firsthand that God answers the desires of our HEARTS!

Brandi Chase is a homegrown Texan who began a personal relationship with Jesus Christ in 2003. She struggled with infertility and has a heart for future mommas. She and her husband, Darren, raise their family in Katy, Texas. She is also author of Was Called Barren, a devotional for women going through infertility.

Comments 6

  1. So beautiful Brandi!!! It gives me hope and encouragement. I too have PCOS that was not diagnosed until infertility clinic after MC with #3 after 2 beautiful babies. After 2.5 yrs. of unsuccessful fertility txs we hung it up. Started the adoption process and halted. Life carried on and earlier this year surprisingly were expected and thought for sure it was our miracle baby but miscarries. My DH and I still have a strong, burning desire to have another baby and feel it is from God. I am 44 and my hubby 40 and the time clock is ticking. Please keep us in prayer. God Bless!

  2. Praise God! He is indeed alive and still in the business of doing miracles. What a mighty God we serve, your story my story in Jesus name.

  3. What a beautiful story about God placing a desire in our heart and then, in His timing, through most unexpected ways, grating us the desires of our heart, even after we’ve given up on Him! Thank you for sharing this beautiful testimony Brandi!

    1. Thank you for being able to share! I believe His testimony in our lives will encourage others along their journey.

  4. What about those He doesn’t take the desire from but doesn’t answer with a pregnancy? Gods not our Genie… He felt the pain of the cross… some will feel the pain of infertility till He “makes all things new”

    1. Post

      Thank you for your comment. We agree that God is not our Genie and does not always answer the way we would like. We ask that God will comfort those still experiencing the pain of infertility! But we also wanted to share Brandi’s testimony of what God did in her life. We pray that God will bless you abundantly in the unique testimony He has given you too, and that this will encourage others in hearing all that He has done in your life.

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