The Victory I Want or the Victory God Wants for Me?

Walking to the mailbox.

Hanging clothes outside. 

When my kids were young, these were destinations that provided mini-escapes from the many demands on me in the house.

I loved my kids but… whoa. I was exhausted and often on the edge of despair. During one of those seasons (days long? months long? A year? I don’t know… it runs together), each time I went to the mailbox, I repeated Psalm 127:3 to myself “Children are a gift of the LORD.”

A personal pep talk. I was certainly not feeling blessed. Parenting and home management were overwhelming. The kids can vividly describe for you when I would snap: loud, unexpected barking would startle me and I would scream at our pet. On occasion I would also mutter, “I wanna kick that dog.”

I was certainly not feeling blessed. Parenting and home management were overwhelming.

So where was the victory? Where was the affirmation that we were in God’s will for our family? My husband and I sought the Lord and knew He was with us, but…? Fast forward a few decades and I am still grappling with what “victory” looks like. Here I am, a long-time Moms in Prayer (MIP) leader and also a Negative Ninny and an Eeyore. I saw this year’s theme for events, Victorious in Prayer, and thought – oh great. Tired, overwhelmed moms in need of rest get to hear about how they should be victorious.

But after more than ten years with MIP, I know that is not true! It is very clear that this ministry is full of grace, very aware of real life, and ready to support and care for moms in all stages and circumstances. So where did that very untrue thought come from? Easily from my flesh. Ugh. I can be so contrary! But God in His gentle, faithful way keeps opening my eyes to the truth.

It is very clear that this ministry is full of grace, very aware of real life, and ready to support and care for moms in all stages and circumstances.

The victory I want is to have it all together. Victory to me is when the walls fall (my kids do what I ask), the enemy retreats after one stone (debt paid off fast with one income), and the waters pressing around me simply part so I can skip through my day. But way better than changing circumstances, real victory is God changing me by helping me accept myself as I am and working in my heart to trust Him no matter what comes my way. Even though I am so distracted and don’t like myself at times, God keeps loving me and faithfully working in my life.

The victory I want is to have it all together.

It’s been over four decades of knowing Jesus and it can be discouraging when my thoughts still reflect my flesh. But, “Victory in Jesus! My Savior forever! He sought me and bought me with His redeeming blood.” Does that truth mean I am in the mood to stand up and cheerfully sing the hymn? Maybe. Maybe not.

But no matter my mood or feelings, I truly DO have the victory. It is not based on my actions or attitudes. It is based on God’s love, His care, and His provision. His Word keeps us grounded in truth:

“God has united you with Christ Jesus. For our benefit God made him to be wisdom itself. Christ made us right with God; he made us pure and holy, and he freed us from sin.” 1 Corinthians 1:30

He has been with me through it all. His presence has been a constant all these years and nothing I have done or will do changes the fact that He made me right with Him and loves me. God has kept me on the path and in the journey. He continues to faithfully open my eyes to the truth about Him, about me, and about our relationship. “And we have received God’s Spirit (not the world’s spirit), so we can know the wonderful things God has freely given us“ (1 Corinthians 2:12).

Oh, praise Him. I am victorious.

Pray With Me

Oh God! We praise you for your faithfulness through all our seasons of life! Thank you for true victory in Jesus. Open our eyes to what it looks like for each of us in our unique circumstances. Help us embrace the real victory you desire for us. Give us victory over negativity and judgmental thoughts. Lord, please bless the moms reading this. Give them hope. Bless them with genuine and authentic relationships where they can safely download burdens, safely share thoughts, safely open up about discouragement. We thank you for the words of the psalmists that express despair, dismay, and frustration to you. Thank you that we can come to your throne of grace with confidence no matter how we feel! You are God and can handle our rants and rambles! Your Spirit gently points us to truth and empowers us to walk in it.

How has this blog encouraged you? Comment below.

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Beverly Dingley loves the Lord, her family, and learning. The Lord captured her heart during college and she appreciates all the people He brought into her life to help her on her journey, especially Neil, her husband of 38 years. Beverly taught high school in her early twenties. She set aside her career in education when their first child was born, but soon returned to education as a homeschool mom. She is entering her 15th year teaching at a homeschool support center, is currently a substitute teacher in local public schools, and mentors at a second chance night school. Her very deep appreciation for educators and local schools makes Moms in Prayer a perfect fit. She has served as a group leader, an area coordinator, and on the Georgia state prayer team. She and Neil have four adult children and two in-laws that Beverly considers the best six kids ever! They have also been blessed with a six year old granddaughter. Beverly’s heart, as she has entered her sixth decade on this planet, is to keep growing in the Lord and help others know Him better. God has used the book What a Beautiful Mess: Finding Freedom from Pride and Praise, by fellow MIP mom Melissa Jackson, to help Beverly accept her God-given wiring and move forward as He leads her on this path of life. God also helps Beverly slow down and have some fun through hobbies like gardening, hiking, and acting.