A Mom’s Identity Crisis

The most important decision we will ever make as a mom is the choice to receive Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior. The second is to walk in the reality of our identity in Christ as a believer. When we learn to parent and pray for our children out of our identity in Christ, we begin to fully realize the power and effectiveness of our prayers for them.

It’s easy to believe that our identity is in what we do. Society continually tells us that our identity is being someone’s wife, mom, daughter, employer or employee, etc. Having our identity based on anything other than who we are in Christ creates mountains of confusion as well as diminishes our prayer power. We tend to see our role as a mom as who we are rather than Who’s we are.

But whoever is united with the Lord is one with him in spirit. (1 Corinthians 6:17)

Let’s explore who we are in Christ and how praying and parenting from that position makes all the difference as a mom and for our children.

1. Our line of communication opens

At the instant you received Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior, you were made spiritually alive. Up until that moment, you were spiritually dead in your sin.

How does being spiritually alive change how you pray as a mom? The Holy Spirit is our direct line to Jesus and God the Father. Who else knows your child better than the One who created them and has a plan and purpose for their lives? When we tap into that knowledge and trust the secret things the Spirit tells us, we will begin lining up our prayers with the very will of God for our child. Praying God’s will for our children is powerful and affects the very trajectory of their lives!

2. The behavior of our children no longer affects how we see ourselves

Not only do we now have a direct line of communication with the very Creator of our child, the choices and behaviors of our children no longer become the identity we hang our hat on. When we begin to believe the truth of what the Bible says about who we are, the choices of my children no longer affect how I see myself.  Praying out of a broken view of my identity because of the choices my child has made hinders the ability of the Spirit to help us pray out of truth and love for our children. It is the very thing the enemy uses to blind us and keep us from hitting the target in our prayers for our children.

3. Our children begin to see themselves in a correct way

Many Christians are not living free and productive lives because they don’t understand who they are and why they are here. Who they are is rooted in their identity and position in Christ. If they don’t see themselves the way God sees them, to that degree they suffer from a false identity and poor sense of worth. They don’t fully understand the gospel and the dramatic change that occurred in them the moment they trusted in Christ.” Neil Anderson, Victory Over the Darkness pg. 43

As a mom, I cannot impart to my children those truths I don’t own for myself.  When my children are bullied at school, they are failing this or that class or they don’t get picked for the team, they will grow to believe that their identity is based on their performance. When we are able to counter these lies of the enemy with the biblical truth of who they are, it will transform our children’s lives. Backing those truths up with prayers of who they are in Christ will seal the deal in their spiritual development.

As we grow in our knowledge of who we are in Christ, we can come alongside our children and begin to teach them their true identity. As they walk through life, they mature in the fact that circumstances no longer control their identity, rather they begin to believe that their identity is in the never changing truth of who they are in Jesus Christ. They will begin praying from a healthy perspective of who they are on their own and begin to walk in the victory of who they are in Christ. You have now given your child the best self-esteem lesson they will ever learn as well as a solid spiritual foundation on which to stand. The truth of Ephesians 2:10 becomes their reality, “For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.

4. We get out of the revolving door

If the enemy can get us on the revolving door of trying to become who we already are, our prayers will not be the bold and victorious prayers our children need us to pray. One of the boldest prayers we can pray for our child is for God to do whatever is necessary to get ahold of his/her heart. If I am caught up in my identity crisis of believing that what happens to my child affects who I am, fear will keep me from releasing my child into the hand of the living God. His hand is the absolute best place for our children and the enemy knows it! It may not look pretty for a season, but whatever is going on in our children’s lives no longer affects our position or identity in Christ as a Mom. We can trust our child, in prayer, to the God who loves them more than we do and be so secure in who we are that we become like the Proverbs 31 woman, “She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future.” v.25. We know who holds our child’s future and we completely trust Him!

5. We walk in the victory of Jesus Christ       

Walking in our identity in Christ gives us victory over the false accusations of the enemy. John 8:44 says: “He (the enemy) has always hated the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he lies, it is consistent with his character; for he is a liar and the father of lies.

When we begin to discover who we are in Christ, and pray for our children out of our true identity, our prayers for our children will be more powerful and effective than you can imagine. The Bible promises in James 4:17: “The prayer of a righteous (parent) is powerful and effective.” emphasis mine

If you don’t have a Moms in Prayer group that you pray with every week, go find one now. When Moms pray together in one accord for their children and their schools out of who they are in Christ, the very gates of hell shudder!


Tina Chambers Smith is a speaker, writer, author and founder of Raising Kids on Your Knees, a ministry focused on equipping Moms and Dads to pray and parent life into the lives of our children. She has seen the power of prayer in her own children’s lives and believes there is no better way for us as moms to raise our children than on our knees in daily prayer for them. Tina resides with her husband, Rod, in the mountains of Western North Carolina. Together they have four children and three grandchildren.

Comments 1

  1. Absolutely loved and agree. Spent years living false identities through jobs, hobbies and sports… peeling layers back over the years through wise counsel and in the silent moments with God, who I am in Christ is all that truly matters. It is not that I am completely free from this struggle but I know where to go when I do. James 5:16 is also a verse that has been very impactful in my prayer life.

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